Not going to say a word about my poor neglected Xanga--tired of starting my entries like that.

 I have a new job and I'm soooo happy. I didn't realize while I was in it how much my old job was destroying my very soul for the last 2 years. I was working with social-climbing sociopaths and I did my best to make peace with them saying they weren't that bad, trying to put a positive spin on things while it was eating away at me constantly. To think that I tried to fit in with THEM?
  I have a job at a natural foods store where I worked 10 years ago and it's so different. I suppose I'll come to a point where I won't compare the 2 jobs, but at my new one they love me, everyone is supportive of each other, and I feel like I can take a deep breath and be myself and not do the "go along to get along" thing. It's hard work but it's heaven.
   I truly do feel like I'm coming back to life, gathering in parts of my personality that had become so beaten down I'd forgotten they were even there. I am lovable, what is say is worthwhile, I'm funny, I'm very social, fun to be with, a loyal friend, and a mystic. I'm in a place now where I can show all that loud and proud! Life is good.

   So much has been happening and mostly good stuff I'm happy to say! The main thing is somehow I've become the go-to person in my area for fitness. How the hell did that happen?! It's the weirdest, most wonderful thing but it sems like almost every day I have a new opportunity to share the good news about exercise and most of the time I'm getting paid for it!

  In September I did a bellydancing class and 142 women attended. It was unbelievable and a highlight of my life! I've also done a bellydance class twice at a metaphysical shop in Greensboro and am currently doing a BD class for a 45 women. Also, doing an afterschool yoga/Pilates class for grade school teachers and I even did a 90 min. lecture/discussion on the joys and benefits of exercise. And let's not forget the yoga class I did for some cutie-pie Girl Scouts!

 It's something all the time and I love it, it's wonderful, I'm good at it BUT there's still that little sliver of me that feels like an imposter, that part of me that still feels 50 pounds overweight. Will I ever be totally rid of HER? I'm a totally different person now but she's always in the background ready to sabotage me, so I continue to look for ways to make peace with the old me.

  And then I want to be perfect too, to have that classical yoga teacher/trainer look: long, lean and perfectly thin and that's not in the stars nor in my genes. I've always wanted to have that long willowy Uma Thurman body but the truth is I'm closer to Janine Garofalo's body shape. {Hmm, does anybody remember her?} When I do a class, there's that part of me that feels apologetic for not having the perfect look. But they keep coming back, so I must be doing okay!

One more thing, the book I've listed here---FABULOUS!

 

   My bellydance class starts tonight. I have about 30 women signed up for it. So it's here--ready or not! I'm keeping up with my resolve to take all teaching opportunities. A few weeks ago I did an all-day retreat with local mental health workers where I did 2 hour-long yoga sessions. Yesterday  a neighbor asked me if I'd teach yoga to her girl scouts--so I like to think that I'm developing  a good reputation! In July I'm helping out at a kid's camp by doing a yoga session. I was at a gathering in North Carolina and met a couple opening a yoga studio and they told me that they were looking for instructors. Who knows what the future holds? I'm open. I'm flexible. [hee hee-- flexible,get it? Yoga joke!]

 There's changes at work and I'm rolling with it. It looks like I won't be cooking as much and on one hand that breaks my heart and on the other hand, it's a good thing. Maybe I can finally lose those last cursed 10 pounds! God, I feel like the most boring person in the world when I talk about that!

 Spiritually speaking, I feel reborn! Things are popping for me again. It was a long dry spell so I'm grateful for that.